I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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