you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He felt like a one man threesome
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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