that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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