Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
