Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
