dude i'm inner monologue high
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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