Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
