Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
