I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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