You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
