Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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