Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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