i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
