Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
