I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
