so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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