i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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