You work out of a Hotel?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
