hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
