I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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