My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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