While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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