Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
