I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
