i permit you to call me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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