I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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