DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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