when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
