What a fucking waste of an outfit
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
