i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
