the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
