Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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