I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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