it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
