you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
