woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
