she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
