anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
