there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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