suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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