We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
