You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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