I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
