I understand Curling. That high.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
