so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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