i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I touched a dick in church today
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
