Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
