when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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