I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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