I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
