Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
