I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
