BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
