she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
