Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
