I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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