her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
